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May 9, 2014

Lust Based Decisions and Resentment Based Decisions

These are two important concepts to remember in addiction recovery:
  • Lust is Satan's imitation of love
  • Resentment is the opposite of love
These two things can cause a world of hurt for addicts if they are not kept in check

"Resentment" is essentially being frustrated with something, usually something that happened in the past. Likewise, "fear" is being frustrated with the way you think the future might unfold. So if "fear" means being frustrated with the future, then it is similar to "resenting" the future (based on what I perceive will happen in the future). So, in my opinion, fear and resentment are really one thing... "not living in the moment", not enjoying the moment as it is... wishing the past or the future would match my selfish demands. Either being frustrated with the past, or being frustrated with the future leads me to be unhappy with the present moment and robs me of serenity. I am not very good at handling my resentments and fears. Instead of talking openly about them and letting them go, I try to deny their existence and hide them in a dark corner of my heart, where they compile and fester.

Lust is like and animal that feeds off my "resentment and fear" and won't let me be satisfied with the way things are, it is hungry and has an open appetite. It numbs my negative feelings about myself and the world, as a temporary cover up to make me forget my worries, one selfish "lust hit" at a time. As its opposite, Love is satisfying and comes with an open heart. That is the main difference and it makes all the difference. Satan tries to convince me that lust is love, but he lies and is trying to deceive my soul. Love would allow me to let go of my resentment and fear, but lust drives me to collect resentment and fear so that it can survive on my soul like a parasite. If I surrender to God, he will let love take place in my heart, and love will slowly overtake the lust until it has replaced it completely.

When I make decisions in my life, they can either be based on love or lust. As I surrender to God, he will help me to make more "love based decisions". Likewise, anytime I catch myself making decisions based on resentment and fear, I need to acknowledge that this is feeding my lust addiction. "Lust based decisions" and "resentment based decisions" have caused me to get into a lot of trouble in the past. Instead of letting these things take control of my life, I must give them up to God. Only he has the power to purify my heart and disinfect it from the resentment, fear, and lust.

When I try to run the show of my life, I end up being frustrated and upset, simply because a life based on lust will never be satisfied of content. When I let God run the show, I place myself in a position of humility, and He steps in and saves me from the soul sickness of Satan. If I don't have the willingness to let God perform this miracle right now, then I must start by praying for willingness everyday. When I am ready to surrender, God is ready to deliver.

If I don't know how to surrender my lust, resentment, and fear to God yet, then I can begin by surrendering these feelings to another trusted individual, thus I begin to break my self imposed isolation. By speaking openly and honestly about my struggles to another person I let the sunshine of truth to enter my festering soul, and this light has a purifying effect. It begins to disinfect my heart and gives me the strength to turn to God and let it go. I can't recover on my own. I am convinced that as I turn to others I am also turning toward God. As I try to become a real part of real life, these fettering chains of resentment, fear, and lust will be severed by a merciful God who wants to see me free again. Free to surrender, what an amazing paradox!