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March 31, 2012

Perfect Days

As an addict, I seek after perfect days.  I recognize that I'm not perfect, and that I lack the ability to fight lustful temptations on my own.  I'm okay with that now, and I used to really hate myself for turning to the addiction so quickly.  But now, I am able to ask the Lord for a few perfect days, and He'll provide them to me.
Relapse is a hard word to define.  On some level, I relapse too frequently.  I don't masturbate or look at pornography anymore, but sometimes I'll catch myself taking second glances, or thinking lustful thoughts.  Unfortunately, I sometimes indulge much longer than I should in these aspects of my addiction.  However, I'm grateful that the program has helped me have the self-awareness necessary to avoid the long fall back to the bottom of the mountain.  Gratefully, I'm able to turn back to the Lord quickly, and restore my peace.

I guess what I'm saying is that we can't expect perfection from ourselves, but we can expect it from the Lord.  If we ask Him for those elusive perfect days, He can give them to us.  We only have to be wiling to do what we can do, whatever that may be.  Make no mistake, we can go without pornography and masturbation for the rest of our lives. We don't need to give up another day to satan. I have a strong testimony of that.  Maybe the lustful thoughts and second glances might take some more time, and some refined effort and focus.  But the Lord can can provide where we lack, regardless of the discrepancy.  I truly believe that.  Our Savior Jesus Christ can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves if we will but turn to him and simply try.  I believe that if we start asking for those perfect days, the Lord will help us find them.