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February 23, 2012

Being Honest With Others, Myself, and God

Addiction is just one little lie after another. Each lie builds on each other until the victims mind is bound by something so strong it is nearly impossible to escape. Its like the flaxen cord that is talked about in the scriptures. The devil wraps our hands with one little lie after another until we don't see what is right and what is wrong.

I started telling lies to others when I was very young. Most of my lies came in the form of exaggerations. I wanted for others to see me as a good looking, smart, talented person who was a step above the rest. I wanted respect and I wanted to be feared a little bit. To achieve my image I just had to tell a few lies. Over time I believed the lies and they became a part of who I was. I was completely hooked to my lies. When I finally entered into my addiction I was already so good at telling lies that everything about it seemed natural to me. I am very very good at hiding things from people. In an instant I can put on a happy face and "spiritual eyes", I can make people think that I am everything a good priesthood holder should be. I can look like my life is right on track. But deep down I know its not.

One of the greatest points of change for me was deciding to be more honest with people. I think that being honest with others is very important. That is why honesty is the first step in recovery.

I hope that one day I can be 100% honest with everyone I meet. But most importantly I hope that I can be completely honest with God. The more I attend meetings and learn about the 12 steps the more it is clear to me what addiction really is. Addiction = lies to myself, lies to others and lies to God.